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How to start loving yourself?


It's October and you haven't yet learned to love yourself! You poor soul!

Well, no worries. I am back on this awfully cursed topic of 'self-love'.


If you haven't already checked out my earlier post on self-love; give it a read - 'Why you must Love Yourself?'


The moment I started with the reasons on why someone ought to love themselves, I had a question in my mind. How does one really love themselves? Pointing out 'the destination' and the 'reasons to reach it' may be hard. But the toughest rocks falls when 'the journey begins'.



We know where we are headed and we are determined. So, let us not falter and step forward.


Here's 5 steps you can take towards loving Yourself -


1. Buy a new mirror


We spend the most of our day looking at ourselves through someone else's eyes. We act and look the reflection of ourselves in someone else's perception to conform our actions. This is the basic concept of 'self-looking-mirror'; or how we end up with ourselves in a state of being.


Some of us are okay the way we are reflected in a way we act. Some of us are not. For those who are not satisfied or are anxious about a perception that is not theirs; they need to zen the fuck out.


If we hate ourselves for being something that we are not. It is all because either we failed to reflect ourselves in a way we wanted or what image we see of ourselves through 'mirrors' is ugly.


The first step is an easy one. Buy yourself a new Mirror. This one is yours. From now on, every time you want to have a look at yourself, instead of using someone else as a mirror, use this physical one. Look at it. Look at yourself through it.


What will it do? Since your day passes reflected other persons image on your perception. From now, you will reflect your own selves on your own physical mirror.



It will help you comprehend yourself through your own perception.




2. Look over the skin, not under!



After getting a brand new perception of our own. We have to decide what should we take out from our reflected image that will help us hate ourselves a little less.


Now, I have done a little research about self-love on the internet. And I have come to know that people generally advice the person to know themselves (absolutely) in order to cultivate a sense of likeness. I agree with this. However my concern with this tip is very genuine.


A person who doesn't really like themselves or hate themselves (for making situation worse) cannot really benefit themselves by discovering themselves completely.


Here's an example.

Think of a boy who doesn't like eating yogurt. He doesn't even want to taste it. Now, you have to convince him to fall in love with yogurt. I don't know what you will do or how will you attempt it? But putting the yogurt under a microscopical observation will be quite dumb.


I believe that anyone who has lived a significant amount of time in the real world can never be good. It is a subjective thing. In simple words, discovering oneself completely can lead to some bizarre and unwanted revelations that may not just put 'self love' on halt but also inhibit some other neurosis.



What to do?


First, extract a persona from self. Persona will be you, but not completely you. It will be you, with your good characteristics and some other artificial characteristics of your likeness (but not owned).


Find the good parts about yourself and compile it with likeable metaphysical features from your vicinity. Act it out. If it goes well for you - Viola! You got yourself a homemade persona.


Explore the persona. Experiment it with putting it around your mirror and other perceptions too. Now, you have a persona of your own likeness.



3. Work Out


Look, here's the deal. Workout is the ultimate tip.

How to look good? - Workout

How to be strong? - Workout

How to stop climate change? - Workout.

How to restart colonialism? - *Works out in British*


You got a problem...workout is the solution.

It has a lots of benefits if done correctly.

Don't give me that look. I am serious!



To make your persona a bit more attractive, workout is important.


I don't want to delude you or please you.

Because when it comes to you and your body, it is completely your call. Do you want to change or not? If you are not okay with your current physical appearance...changing it will not do any harm. On the bright side, workout will help you reduce your body toxins. And eventually it will ease your body and mind.


Since you are on a way towards a higher aim, it's okay to take a break and move around.



4. Understanding Beauty



Let us recap what we learned in the first two steps - First, we learned to use our own perception (primarily); Secondly, we learned to used that to perceive our persona.


Now, things are going to get a little complex. We have to undo some major parts of these two steps.


Since, we have (somewhat) gained a command on our own perspective. We have to bring it from being self-indulgent (rigid) to sonder-about (flexible). We have to leave the self-reflective perspective for a while and sonder away. Try viewing the world through someone else's perspective. Inhibit their persona and live through their circumstances in your own mind.


Don't do it a lot. It gets interesting when done less and at larger intervals.

We have to make that perception of yours a little more stretchy.


Next, you have to throw away your persona. Yes, we have to undo all the things we did in the second step. This time you have to develop a true personality of your own.



For this, you have to go skin deep - yes - you need to know yourself thoroughly.


Now, it is good if you have been following each step in chronological order. Because if not, then you may get into some unwanted trauma. For example, If you explore yourself before living through someone else's mind you may not come to terms with basic human flaws. Hence, putting this step to a complete halt.


But as we have been following the chronology, we have made our perception flexible. Now with that we may come to terms with our own selves. The flaws that are inside of you, even the most corrupt of the problems...they will pester you no more. Because their existence will now become comprehensible. The wrong decisions taken once in the past will not bother you anymore. We finally will be able to accept our thoughts and circumstances.


Now, you have a perception of your own, with which you can sonder too. And a personality that reflects your true nature. What's next?




5. Treat Yourself


Finally!



Why don't you relax and treat yourself for the hard work you have done? Go on! Celebrate your achievement (no matter if it is big or small)!!



And when you have finally made peace with yourself. It is time you share this with the person who needs this the most.





I know this was mind boggling and stressing for most of the part. I also know it wasn't easy coming down to this final step. Unlike instant noodles, Self love needs time to cook. Have patience and implement the steps steadily.


Don't rush. Take your time. Even if you feel like that you made progress in a month, yet somedays you feel like reverting back to the original self. Don't worry. Be calm and have some tea.


  • 1st and 2nd steps are to be performed with sheer caution. However small these two steps may seem, their effects will be great in a visible sense. You may end up feeling loving yourself only after these steps.


  • The next two steps are to used to control/check the output. As I said, the first two steps have their side effects. And I don' want anyone of you to end up with another mental trauma.


  • 3rd step is not a joke.


  • The feeling of going back or reverting back to the original self is very natural and scary. And in the 4th step of discovering beauty we are doing the same. We are going to revert back to a new self. A reverse track, but not back to where we came from. Rather to the person who loves you the most , and that will be - 'YOU'!

Safety & Peace

-Nikhil












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