When was the last time that you were sure about your feelings? Have you thought clearly about what you think is love? Imagine a person to himself he is a completely different person, but he hides his true emotions behind a screen. He is not sure about his feelings towards the person around. He is waiting for the time when he is clear about his feelings. He thinks that time will untangle his threads of emotions. Is it really worth the wait ? I am completely confused as to what I feel for a girl.
Confusion is one of the things which fucks up your entire being. This confusion eats up our time, our efforts, our passion , even our wishes . “Maybe this is not right “ , “maybe I am wrong” , “maybe this” and “maybe that” . There are several stages in life that we are confused about the decisions we are about to make. That is when we rely on others, for helping with that confusion. That is pretty helpful most of the time. But what about when the confusion is about something nobody will understand? What if people judge us for saying this? What if a person is confused about how he or she feels? Nobody can really be helpful then ,can they?
That is what people have been dealing with for a while now. In the past few years I have liked many people. I flirted around with every other girl but I didn’t know why. I know now, but I feel very uncomfortable. I think I have led people into believing that I like every other girl that I meet. This is not how I wanted myself to be portrayed. So now even if I think I like someone and feel for her , I don’t say it to them. I always thought that I was being friendly. But now that I think of what I did back then, I find it very difficult to even think about a feeling of attraction. Knowing what had been done in the past, people find it hard to move further with love. They tend to build a wall around themselves and feel pretty comfortable.
Let’s see... .,what is love? To me love is the expression of strong and intense set of feelings for another person. I think I have felt this way about very few girls. What have I felt for the rest of them? I still feel clouded about what brought me closer to the others.
There is yet another feeling which explains such behaviour, lust. I think it means to like and get attracted to the physical attributes of a person. Do I feel this? I guess. But does it justify the confusion? Not totally.
I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I just feel this void inside of me, which I have this urge to fill. I feel desperate need to understand my emotions. I am tattered from within, just by the thought of being close to a person. I ask myself everyday ; will I discover love or will it be some sort of infatuation? Have I taken for granted every person I have felt close to? Have I lost some of them along the way? What about the relationship with others that I thought were platonic?
This revolves around some minds every now and then. I bet that the solution to all this lies within us. Don’t think time is somehow going to clear your confusion. It has to be you, always. That is why I urge you to speak out to someone. Maybe they will help you discover the truth. If not ,then introspection is key.