Am I allowed to feel this way if it keeps me in shame?
Am I allowed to embrace the wildest of desires if it gets laughed at in reality?
Am I allowed to think about those wild eyes of a random stranger I saw on IG who looked exactly like John Mayer?
Am I allowed to write this with utmost honesty or do I need to add the prettiest of word and the fanciest vocab to make it look more elegant and acceptable?
Most of all , how do I know what I'm allowed to feel?
Am I allowed to say that on some broken days I crave for someone, sometimes many someones and sometimes not someone but “the one" and on other days I don't feel full inside of me and need someone to fill the empty jars , the loneliest of rooms and turn the coldest of nights into a warm shelter .
If yes then why does my brain associate these cravings , these desires with shame even though I see nothing wrong in it?
We, especially women have a tendency to associate these thoughts with shame so either we shy away from it and keep it under our pockets or we make a joke about it so that it's not taken too seriously .And to this date I don’t know why we do it . I know it is subconsciously engraved in our systems that longing for someone is either a haha or shush down topic to begin with .
But I don't know who made these rules for me or for others.
And I don't know what mechanism is there to remove you.
But what I do know is that I will allow myself to accept this side of me because I don’t have the strength to create this parallel world where I'm faking it and pretending I have it all together.
Through this article I just wanted to let all the women know that no one should ever make you feel ashamed for having such natural desires and also want them to think for themselves and ask, do I really need to feel bad for having human desires? Do I really need to associate them with shame?
I hope you find the answers which works best for you and not what gets least laughed at.
Once you find your own answers, start accepting yourself a little more because you deserve an applause for finding an answer for yourself.
I'm writing this article with full awareness that It might get turned down pretty bad if somebody came up to me and starts associating this post with vulgarity. But I'm taking this chance because I know my own truth and what they say is never about me but about them.
I wish you all find your own truths and make peace with it.